Kids Say The Funniest Things

A friend of mine sent me a handful of statements made by children with regards to the Bible. I hope you enjoy!

Lot’s Wife
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, “My Mommy looked back once while she was driving and she turned into a telephone pole!”

The Good Samaritan
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.”

Did Noah Fish?
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”‘No,’ replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms.”

Higher Power
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”One child blurted out, “Aces!”

Moses and the Red Sea
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blo w up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

The Lord Is My Shepherd
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible - Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.

On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, “The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.”

Being Thankful
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, ‘Thank God he’s in bed!”

Untimely Answered Prayer
During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, “Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?” Tommy answered, soberly, “I asked God to teach me to whistle, and He did!”

Time To Pray
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night. “Yes, sir,” the boy replied. “And, do you always say them in the morning, too?” the pastor asked. “No sir,” the boy replied. “I ain’t scared in the daytime.”

All Men/ All Girls
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.” This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?” Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men.’”

Say a Prayer
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

“Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.” said his mother. “I don’t need to,” the boy replied.

“Of course, you do,” his mother insisted. “We always say a prayer before eating at our house.”

“That’s at our house,” Johnny ex plained. “But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!”

How Churches Are Using Evolving Technologies To Minister

A new study by The Barna Group looks at how Protestant churches across the nation are using various forms of emerging technology to influence people’s lives and enliven their church experience. However, the study reveals that the pace of technology adoption seems to have slowed in the past two years as some churches focus upon making the most of what they already have, and other churches attempt to get by without incorporating such tools into their ministry mix.

“Those tools included large screens used for showing video imagery; showing movie clips and other video segments during church events; sending email blasts to all or portions of the congregation; operating a church website; offering a blog site or pages for interaction with church leaders; maintaining a page on behalf of the church on one or more social networking sites; providing podcasts for people to listen to; and receiving programming and training via a satellite dish,” said a Barna Group news release.

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New FCC Rules May Threaten the Future of Christian Radio

This is the final day for public comments on a proposed Federal Communications Commission rule change (PDF link) some say would threaten the licenses of Christian radio stations from coast to coast. Apparently the rule change would require every radio station to take programming advice from community advisory boards representative of the area’s population. What does this entail for Christian based stations?

Christian broadcasters would be required to seek advice from non-Christians and even those opposed to the Christian message. Some radio stations fear organized groups of atheists, for instance, could demand representation on the new FCC-mandated advisory boards that would factor into licensing decisions.

World Net Daily has more details including how you can submit your comments and concerns on this final day that they are accepting them.

Ben Stein’s ‘Expelled’ Explodes Into Top 10 Box Office

The Christian Post reports that “Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed,” the pro-intelligent design documentary featuring actor Ben Stein, made history this weekend as it propelled full speed into the top 10 box office. It opened as the widest and one of the most commercially successful releases for any documentary film. In an impressive opening weekend, the film debuted at No. 9 at the box office, earning a respectable $3.2 million while only appearing on 1,052 screens.

What is it about? The Post describes it as a feature-length documentary film about researchers, professors, and academics who claim to have been marginalized, silenced, or threatened with academic expulsion because of their challenges to some or all parts of Darwin’s theory of evolution. Makers of the documentary said the movie doesn’t seek to champion intelligent design as the sole truth but calls for more academic freedom, where challenges to any scientific theory including Darwinism would be fairly considered.

I for one am glad to see a film like this gain prominence and challenge what was only a theory and not factual truth. In fact, I’m looking forward to seeing itself and supporting it with my pocketbook.

Football Coach’s Prayer with Students Ruled Unconstitutional

The Christian Post reports that a football coach of over 20 years and one time recipient of the USA Today’s “Caring Coach of the Year” award, has come under attack recently for his practice of holding prayer sessions with his students before games. The U.S. 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia ruled unanimously Tuesday against coach Marcus Borden on the grounds that it was unconstitutional for him to pray and “bow his head and take a knee” alongside his students, in what, the court argued, would be an endorsement of religion by a school staff member.

Jo Ann Magistro, the school superintendent who pursued the case, was among those who were reportedly “pleased” with the ruling. “The district pursued this case to protect children who could not protest pressure to participate in religious activities at school events,” she said, according to The Home News Tribune. She went on to say, “Today’s ruling accomplished that goal. Every student is a valued member of our community and their religious beliefs, or lack there of, can never be used to separate them from their peers and teammates.”

Conservative groups, however, described the ruling as a violation of constitutional rights. “No school is justified in policing its employees’ thoughts and penalizing them based on what they think is going on in their heads. What next? Will they bar coaches from silently moving their lips if others think it is a prayer?” the Family Research Council (FRC), a conservative organization that lobbies for the defense of Christians, said in an e-mail statement.

Borden’s attorney plans to appeal the ruling.

Study Reveals Decline in Teen Pregnancies & Abortions

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in a new study has revealed record drops in the rates of teenage pregnancies and abortion. According to the results, both abortion and teenage pregnancies have been steadily dropping since 1990. Overall, the total number of abortions fell 24 percent to 1.22 million in 2004 from a historical high of 1.61 million in 1990. Teenage pregnancies also declined during the same period, accounting for only 12 percent of all pregnancies in 2004 – a drop from 15 percent fourteen years earlier.

Stephanie Ventura, the lead researcher of the study, noted that among the reasons for a decline in abortion rates and teenage pregnancies was the overall decline in total pregnancies and a new tendency among women “to postpone child bearing and delay the start of their families.” Lower abortion rates reflect “a lot of different reasons: changes in access to abortion, changes in attitudes about having a baby and a decline in teenage pregnancies, which end in abortion in many cases,” she added, according to Bloomberg News.

More details in the original article on The Christian Post.

Christian Photographer Accused of ‘Discriminating’ Against Lesbian Couple

The Human Rights Commission of New Mexico ruled on Wednesday that an evangelical Christian photographer discriminated against a lesbian couple because he refused a job to photograph the couple’s same-sex commitment ceremony. The commission ordered Elaine and Jon Huenins, owners of Elane Photography in Albuquerque, N.M., to pay the lesbian couple $6,600 in attorney fees.

“It is just a stunning disregard for the First Amendment,” said Jordan Lorence, a senior legal counsel for the Scottsdale, Ariz.-based Alliance Defense Fund, which is representing the photographer couple in court. “W e will appeal this ruling to state district court,” Lorence told Cybercast News Service.

A couple of observations. First of all, if the lesbian couple was only awarded what it cost to sue the photographer, then what is the point? It seems that the only benefactor here is the lawyer who sued. Secondly, am I susceptible to a future lawsuit because I won’t provide my business services to a web site promoting homosexuality for example because it conflicts with my religious beliefs? Ludicrous I say!

Church Ordered To Remove Controversial Anti-Liquor Advertisement

Waynesville town officials told a local church on Monday to take down an anti-liquor display featuring a car demolished in a deadly wreck because it broke local sign rules. The N.C. Highway Patrol even got involved, sending a trooper by twice to tell church leaders that the display in front of their building would be towed if it wasn’t moved from the public right of way.

The church’s pastor said the real reason wasn’t the law but politics. “This is about the mayor and the Board of Aldermen,” said the Rev. Jack Holland, of Barberville Baptist Church on Russ Avenue. “They just wanted it out of the public view. It is just part of the spiritual warfare.”

The advertisement urges people to vote against “liquor by the drink” in the May 6 referendum. Church member Jerry Hightower hopes the church’s message sinks in with voters. “We hope people will look at it and realize what liquor can do or what drinking can do, not just liquor but any type of alcohol,” he said. “When it’s consumed to the body, the body don’t think, the mind don’t think.”

Kenneth Copeland Ministries Refuses To Cooperate In Senate Probe Targeting ‘Prosperity’ Christians

Kenneth Copeland Ministries, one of six mega-churches at the center of a U.S. Senate Finance Committee investigation, has informed the committee that it will not cooperate with the probe, citing its concerns about the government targeting certain Christian churches, as well as concerns about privacy and potential First Amendment violations.

“The church is deeply concerned that the information Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is seeking could be used to subject the church and its members to public stigma, scorn, and obloquy,” Lawrence Swicegood, communications director for Kenneth Copeland Ministries (KCM), said in a letter responding to the committee’s request for a range of financial data and other information, including the names and addresses of board members and the names and addresses of people responsible for the church’s audio and video production.

So, is this a case of government prying too deeply into private religion or large profitable ministries not being fully accountable for the funds they receive? Or one could also ask when does a “non-profit” ministry that is not subject to income tax become a “for-profit business” that is subject to income tax?

He Is Risen! Happy Resurrection Day (Easter)

He is risen!

Matthew 28:1-7:

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men. The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; He has risen, just as He said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”

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