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Faith
Faith Doesn’t Have Excuses
And the Lord said unto Noah: "Where is the ark which I have commanded thee to build?"
And Noah said unto the Lord: "Verily, I have had three carpenters off ill. The gopher-wood supplier hath let me down -- yea, even though the gopher-wood hath been on order for nigh upon 12 months. What can
I do, O Lord?"
And God said unto Noah: "I want that ark finished even after seven days and seven nights."
And Noah said: "It will be so."
And it was not so. And the Lord said unto Noah: "What seemeth to be the trouble this time?"
And Noah said unto the lord: "Mine subcontractor hath gone bankrupt. The pitch which Thou commandest me to put on the outside and on the inside of the ark hath not arrived. The plumber hath gone on strike.
Shem, my son who helpeth me on the ark side of the business, hath formed a pop group with his brothers Ham and Japheth. Lord, I am undone."
And the Lord grew angry and said, "And what about the animals, the male and female of every sort that I ordered to come unto thee to keep their seed alive upon the face of the earth?"
And Noah said: "They have been delivered unto the wrong address but should arriveth on Friday."
And the Lord said: "How about the unicorns, and the fowls of the air by sevens?"
And Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying: "Lord, unicorns are a discontinued line; thou canst not get them for love nor money. And fowls of the air are sold only in half-dozens. Lord, Lord, Thou knowest
how it is."
And the Lord in His wisdom said, "Noah, my son, I knowest. Why else dost thou think I have caused a flood to descend upon the earth?"
Insulting a General
At an afternoon tea for officers and their wives, the commanding general of the base delivered a seemingly
endless oration. A young second lieutenant, listening with obvious disfavor, grumbled to the woman at his side, "What a pompous and unbearable old windbag that slob is."The woman turned to him, her face
red with rage and said, "Lieutenant, do you know who I am?"
"No, ma'am."
"I am the wife of the man you just called 'an unbearable old windbag.' "
"Indeed," said the young lieutenant, looking steadfast and unruffled, "and do you know who I am?"
"No, I don't," said the general's wife.
"Thank God," said the lieutenant as he disappeared into the crowd.
A Talk With God
A man was taking it easy, laying on the grass and looking
up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to God.
"God", he said, "how long is a million years?"
God answered, "In my frame of reference, it's about
a minute."
The man asked, "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God answered, "To me, it's a penny."
The man then asked, "God, can I have a penny?"
God answered, "In a minute."
Why JESUS is Better Than Santa Claus
Santa lives at the North Pole ...
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh ...
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year ...
JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies ...
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ...
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.
You have to wait in line to see Santa ...
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap ...
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy (or girl,) what's your name?" ...
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ...
JESUS has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ...
JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry" ...
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys ...
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa is a "jolly old elf"
JESUS is the King of Kings
Santa may make you chuckle but ...
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.
It's obvious there is really no comparison.
We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in CHRISTmas,
Jesus is still the reason for the season.
Yes, Jesus is better, he is even better than Santa Claus.
The Weight of a Prayer
Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face,
walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable
to work, they had seven children and they needed food. John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she leave his store.
Visualizing the family needs, she said, "Please, sir! I will bring you the
money just as soon as I can."
John told her he could not give her credit, as she did not have a charge
account at his store.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the Grocer the he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.
The Grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?
Louise replied, "Yes, sir." "Okay," he said, "put your grocery list in the
scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries." Louise hesitated for a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and
scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the Grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down. The Grocer staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe
it."
The customer smiled and the Grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold
no more. The Grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer which said, "Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands." The Grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and placed on the scales and
stood in stunned silence. Louise thanked him and left the store.
The customer handed a fifty dollar bill to John as he said, "It was worth
every penny of it." It was sometime later that John Longhouse discovered
the scales were broken; therefore, only God knows how much a prayer weighs.Page 2 >>
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