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You Might Be Charismatic If ...

• You think the fire safety slogan "Stop, Drop, & Roll" is the title of a new book on Holy Spirit etiquette.
• You stay home from church because you’re afraid some prophet will read your mail in public.
• Your closet is divided into two sections - clothes that are appropriate for falling and those that are not.
• You try to pray down fire from heaven on the dry cleaning outfit that ruined your suit.
• When you break a fingernail, you blame it on spiritual warfare.
• You think that the movie FREE WILLY is an instructional video on deliverance by the Happy Hunters.
• You develop a slight hand tremor, and 40 people ask for your prayers during ministry time.
• You lie on the floor to nap through boring sermons and are perceived as super-spiritual when you get up.
• Your bumper sticker reads, "Tithe if you love Jesus - so I won’t have to."
• You speak King James English when disciplining your kids ... "Be-hold, thou hast sham-ed thyself , and sham-ed thy Gawd! To thy room!"
• You praise God daily that your no longer a _______________ (fill in the name of the denomination you came out of).

The Four Wisemen

Most Bible scholars believe there were three wisemen that visited the baby Jesus the night He was born, but there were actually four. We know about the three, one who brought gold, the other who brought frankincense, and the other who brought myrrh. These gifts brought by the first three wisemen were of great help to Joseph and Mary financially. God used the three wisemen to provide for the family of Jesus. This enabled them to be able to move to Egypt when Herod issued a decree to kill all male children two years old and under. Most families didn’t just up and move to a different country in those days because of the cost.

There was a fourth wiseman that came night also bearing a gift to give to the new born baby, Jesus. We don’t hear about him in scripture though because he was turned away along with his gift. What did he bring you might ask? A fruitcake!

Odd Newspaper Headlines From Around the World

• Include your children when baking cookies

• Something went wrong in jet crash

• Experts says police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers

• Safety experts say that school bus passengers should be belted

• Drunk gets nine months in violin case

• Survivor of Siamese twins joins parents

• Miners refuse to work after death

• Juvenile Court to try shooting defendant

• Two Soviet ships collide, one dies

• Red tape holds up new bridge

• Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft

• Kids make nutritious snacks

• Man minus ear waives hearing

A Woman, a Beach, a Bottle and a Genie

A despondent woman was walking along the beach when she saw a bottle on the sand. She picked it up and pulled out the cork. Whoosh! A big puff of smoke appeared.

"You have released me from my prison," the genie told her. "To show my thanks, I grant you three wishes. But take care, for with each wish, your mate will receive double of whatever you request."

"Why?" the woman asked. "That bum left me for another woman."

"That is how it is written," replied the genie.

The woman shrugged and then asked for a million dollars. There was a flash of light, and a million dollars appeared at her feet. At the same instant, in a far-off place, her wayward husband looked down to see twice that amount at his feet.

"And your second wish?"

"Genie, I want the world's most expensive diamond necklace." Another flash of light, and the woman was holding the precious treasure. And, in that distant place, her husband was looking for a gem broker to buy his latest bonanza.

"Genie, is it really true that my husband has two million dollars and more jewels that I do, and that he gets double of whatever I wish for?"

The genie said it was indeed true.

"Okay, genie, I'm ready for my last wish," the woman said. "Scare me half to death."

 Lost & Found

Says one humorist: "Life is unfair. I lost my car keys at a ball game and never found them. I lost my sunglasses at the beach and never found them. I lost my socks in the washing machine and never found them. I lost three pounds on a diet -- I found them and five more."

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