A post with a very interesting question caught my attention today. John Shore asked the question, “What would Jesus do if invited to a gay wedding?” While he didn’t directly answer as to whether Jesus would attend, he did ponder as to whether he himself would attend or not.
It is a very good question — one that we as Christian are probably going to have to face more and more as our world continues to grow darker.
Unless you live in a cave, you no doubt have a friend or acquaintance that is gay or even family members. Personally, I have two living family members that are gay (a third is deceased) and even have a few friends and acquaintances that are gay. I have also known quite a few gay people over the years who have become Christians and turned away from their homosexual lifestyles.
So it should be pretty evident that I DO NOT hate gay people. I DO hate the sin but view it as any other sin (e.g., sleeping around when not married, illegal drug use, abusing alcohol, lying, etc.). I also must confess that I am prejudice against those who want to evangelize the world with homosexuality.
That being said, I asked myself this question and after thinking it over for a bit, I’d have to say no. Here are my reasons.
I would not go to a gay wedding if invited anymore then I would attend a party where people are using illegal drugs or accompany someone on a shoplifting spree or attend an orgy… well you get the picture. If I believe homosexuality is a sin (and I do), then I feel I would be condoning that sin by taking place in an event that not only approves of the sin but celebrates it as well.
Also keep in mind that a marriage ceremony is different than some of the examples I mentioned above. It is in fact a celebration of two people coming together to legally commit their lives to one another in love. When you attend a wedding, you are doing so to celebrate the event with the couple.
You also endorse the event by your attendance. How so? Remember the part of the ceremony where the minister (or person performing the ceremony) asks the question, “If any person objects to this couple being joined in marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace”? If you do not speak up, guess what – you have put your stamp of approval of the couple’s union.
In John’s original post, he debated whether it is better to attend the event and display God’s love or not attend and in essence hide it.
That is a good point and we as Christians should make sure we are with people that do not know Christ so we can have more opportunities to share Him.
However, I feel that if we are going to truly represent the Lord Jesus Christ and His pure gospel, the line has to be drawn somewhere as to what “events of the world” we as Christians attend and partake of.
I would have to draw that line where a gay marriage is concerned. And if one or both of the people getting married are my friends or family members, they should respect my religious convictions that compel me not to attend just as much as I respect their decision to be in a gay lifestyle in the first place.
What do you think? Would Jesus attend? If you are a Christian reading this, would you attend?
This is a simple question with a simple answer but a difficult situation to find oneself in.
In the world’s attempt to ‘re-write’ the teachings of Jesus Christ, the pervasive belief that love condones all things has become a statement that is incessantly spouted from every corner. Instead of looking for answers to difficult situations, most people seek comfortable lives in maniacal pursuit of conflict avoidance with those whom don’t believe as they do. Heaven forbid that someone would say, “You’re wrong,” “I don’t agree,” or some less flattering description of my person.
What people think of me doesn’t make a difference in my life or how I will spend eternity. What will matter is what I do with my life, what I stand for, and how I impact the lives of those in my sphere of influence. The world around me may be going to hell in a hand-basket, but I’m not responsible for its actions. I’m responsible for mine.
So what does the Bible say about these types of situations? How does it instruct us to act when faced with these predicaments that would have us act in ways opposite our beliefs?
The Bible is clear on this question. James 4:17 states, “Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin.”
So…according to my beliefs, which form the backbone of how I live, I cannot attend a homosexual union. It would involve me doing something that I believe is “not good” which in turn causes me to sin.
Now…before everyone throws me to the lions, understand that I separate the person from what I believe to be wrong actions. I have family living in homosexual lifestyles. I love that person. They are a part of my life and the lives of the rest of my family. I do not condemn him. I do not shun him. He is family and I deeply cherish him. But I do not condone or accept his actions and the lifestyle that he has become a part of.
It would be similar to a my son doing something that he knows is wrong. I’ve told him not to behave in a certain fashion and I expect him to live to that standard. But in the event that he does that action, I will not forever see him as “that action”. I am able to separate my son from what he does.
This doesn’t mean I accept what he does. One principle that our society has lost is that every action has a consequence. Every choice has a result. His good choices bring rewards. His bad choices result in correction.
And ultimately, that is what our world is missing. Correction. We believe that correction is wrong. That your opinion is to be valued over what the Bible teaches. That I’m to do everything in my power to make everyone comfortable; while watching them go to Hell. The world has become a shout-fest with the loudest name-caller winning.
Correction is what we need. If my mom had never corrected me growing up, I’d most likely would be dead. Thankfully, she saw bad choices in my life and corrected me. I wouldn’t be where I am in life without correction.
So here is a major course-correction for our world: “Love doesn’t condone everything.” True love corrects. True love faces hard situations with determination and compassion.
Paul wrote in 1st Corinthians13:4 – “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
Roger, I couldn’t agree with anyone more than I agree with you.
It IS a sin, to condone sin.
My Pastor did a sermon recently about people who are involved in sinful lifestyles, and his point was made clear-we love them, but we do not condone their sin.
Jesus tells us the world will know us by our love for others, if we totally shut out people who walk a different path, how will we tell anyone about Him?
I am 81 years old and a christian and have lived a long life. I have a question for you. If your son or daughter were gay or a lesbian and were getting married “would you attend their wedding?
@Gloria – Regarding your question if I had a son or daughter who was gay and was getting married to another gay person, no I would not attend. I’d still love them but because of my reasons outlined in original post, I would not violated my religious and moral convictions.
Bottomline gay is a sin! The Bible states so clearly when it said that people of the same sex should not have intercourse. If u are gay and you call yourself a Christian, then you are blind! If God ever wanted anyone to be gay then He probably would have created a like sex for Adam and not opposite like He did.
I would not go to a gay wedding and I don’t think I’ll ever get invited cause everyone around me know where I stand on the issue. Sodomizing is a sin, period! Saying some people were created gay is a lie from the pit of hell. It is better to be safe than sorry.
Thank you David for this very thoughtful article. I have the wedding invitation on my kitchen counter right now, a (gay) cousin of mine who is getting married, in a church no less. I cannot possibly imagine sitting in a church and watching two men get married, it just goes against everything I believe. I too feel that my attendance would say that I condone what they are doing. They are both very nice people and are always included in our family gatherings, but I don’t think they will be surprised by who in my family will not attend this. (and in reverse, they did not attend my son’s court of honor for making Eagle rank in Boy Scouts, even though they were invited)
I surfed upon this page specifically today as my wife just called me and advised me that we are invited to a lesbian wedding, who is the daughter of the church elder and the president of our motorcycle Christian ministry. I just cannot fathom condoning by pariticipating (not spectating for research or anything) in the ceremony, giving a gift (imagine giving a gift to what God calls a PERVERTED Sin) and then toasting the ocassion. Anyway, thank you for posting this page and keep in prayer, all those who are lead astray from Christ with their slavery to their perverted flesh.
NO – I would not attend a gay wedding.
I am a Christian, and my gay daughter just informed me last week that she and her girlfriend are getting married, but I am NOT going to her wedding.
I love my daughter with all of my heart, but I love Jesus Christ all the more, and to go to a gay wedding would be putting a stamp of approval on such a sinful event, and I would never be a part of that; and anyone who thinks that Jesus would attend a gay wedding and even bring a gift is lying about what “Jesus Would Do”, because the Bible clearly states that homosexuality is a sin. And if you are currently in a gay relationship, then please stop calling yourself a Christian, because you are not. You are deceiving yourself, and you are deceiving others. I would pray that you would repent of your sins and follow after the Lord and the Word of God.
Thank you very much for writing about this. I have always felt that when friends take on the gay lifestyle that they in turn put their friends (and family of course) in a predicament.
In being a Christian it IS a must to love the person and hate the sin. My best friend has taken on this sinful lifestyle and my heart breaks all the time when I see him. Questions zip through my mind, “What if he chooses to get ‘married’?” or “What am I to say when he introduces me to boyfriends?” I know they have free will and they will do what they want but, man. Surely I don’t want to turn up my nose to them. These are men and women God absolutely loves just like He loves me.
I would not and will not attend a gay wedding/union. In every person’s heart God has provided to them the knowing of right and wrong and even if people truly haven’t grasped that something is wrong God is ever loving to make sure they find out. I know in their deepest heart of hearts they question what they are doing, their conscience screaming NO! DON’T DO THIS! yet over time they ignore that sounding trumpet and thus deceive themselves that what they are doing is okay and it must be okay because others are doing it, too.
It is very sad BUT we are the light in this ever darkening world. I will support those friends and family members who want to do great, creative things in their life but I REFUSE to support or encourage them in their sin. I choose Christ over any person in a heartbeat. I do make sure to reach out to those in sin in love.
@Sue – You make a good point. The essential difference is that when two people who have been fornicating (having sex outside of marriage) get married, they are no longer living in fornication.
Whether they claim to be Christians, are sorry for their fornicating ways, think now that it was wrong or whatever else doesn’t change the fact that they have now corrected a sin in that they are no longer committing it.
Two gay people on the other hand are not correcting a wrong but rather continuing in it.
I have a question. What is the difference between not going to a gay wedding (which I would not) then going to a wedding of two people living together. The two people don’t think they were wrong living together. They get out of the bed together the morning of their wedding and put on there wedding clothes. Something just doesn’t seem right about that to me.
If there was true repentance I could see celebrating. Like separating and acknowledging it was wrong. Why do some go to weddings like that but not gay weddings? Trying to understand the difference.
Someone has posted a reply saying ” The Bible CLEARLY states that it is a sin”…Where does it say that please?
@Sam Adams – Where does the Bible state that homosexuality is sinful?
1 Corinthians 6:9-10
It tickles me when people quote this archaic verses as reasons to discriminate against people. Aren’t there verses in Leviticus that tell you you cannot eat shellfish and pork? Doesn’t Leviticus give you permission to sell your daughter into slavery? Did you know that you can’t sit on the couch or bed of your wife if she is menstruating?
JESUS is the new covenant and those old rules don’t matter anymore. JESUS never says anything about being gay. He commands that you love everyone and not judge.
@Angela – Uumm did you check out verses above, two of which are New Testament? And yes while scripture does not record Jesus dealing specifically with homosexuality, it does not record him dealing with bank robbers, using illegal drugs, spousal abuse or many other individual sins. Doesn’t mean they still aren’t sinful.
Finally love is not a license to just accept everything that comes our way. If that was the case, parents would never discipline their children but just accept every behavior they demonstrate. Well sadly some do but a parent who truly loves their child will discipline then when they are wrong.
I am a christian, and I am going through a similar dilemma. I have a very close relationship with my brother. He just informed me that he is getting married to his boyfriend. I have met his boyfriend, and my brother knows I don’t agree with their relatinship, but told him I’d be there for him as his sister when he needed me. I told him I still want to be involved with his life, and know the joys and perils in his life. I don’t treat my brother and his boyfriend any differently than I would treat a non christian heterosexual friend, and love them both very much.
When he told my parents he was gay (I knew long before my parents did), my parents freaked out and out right told him I don’t want my son to be gay! They didn’t talk for about 6 months. It was a really tough 6 months, since I became the moderator and helped both sides understand each other. Eventually my parents learned how to communicate better, and learned to love my brother and at the same time hating the sin.
Now my brother is getting married, and we don’t know where to draw the line. Even though we don’t support it, do we go to the wedding anyway? I fear that if we don’t go it would severely ruin our relationship with my dear brother, and I would no longer be able to be an influence in his life for Christ. Right now I know for a fact that he isn’t ready to hear truth, but that doesn’t mean later down the line he wont be ready and I want to be there for him.
How do you weigh the greater of 2 evils? Both choices will end in heart ache.
This might be one of those gray areas in the christian faith where the answer comes only from the power of the holy spirit and convicts you to know the answer.
I am gay but not a Christian, however, I am a tolerant person and to do very much tolerate and respect your decision not to attend such a wedding. From what many people write on here, it appears to me that you are all very logical thinkers who are concerned about doing the right thing. I find that very commendable.
Nonetheless I do have one concern of my own. Despite this disillusioned attitude I feel like many of you have never put themselves in a gay person’s shoes. I can’t understand how you can endorse a person who happens to be gay to be alone for the rest of his or her life. You quite correctly stated how it’s a person’s decision to “lead a homosexual life style,” but you don’t seem to perceive that this life style is the only way for a gay person to live happily in the end. Suppressing their gay desires will not offer a similarly positive outcome.
And isn’t it also quite cynical to say that you would refrain from attending somebody’s wedding because you assess their union to be wrong and abominable? Try telling a friend of yours that. He might then for the longest time have been your friend.
Well said Yannick. I am a Christian with a gay sister and was told the exact same thing by her. I think it helps us Christians to hear the reality of homosexuals and what they deal with.
Here’s the problem…those of us who have been so moved by Christ’s love and teachings – have changed lives. For years as a young person, I went through the “religious motions” of what I thought a Christian person was supposed to do, all the time having a great time sinning carelessly. And then, I got it. It’s a lengthy story, so I can’t tell it all here, but I came to a realization of what a follower of Jesus is really like. I started reading the Bible and all kinds of crazy stuff. Jesus became ‘personal’ to me. I changed profoundly.
So here’s what I’m getting at. Those of us who have gone through the same thing, have seen in their own lives what Jesus can do for people. We have seen how God gives us a new kind of power to fight sin in our lives (not that we EVER become sinless, far from it!), but we now understand Jesus’ words of truth. We have seen first hand, that with Jesus in our lives – all things can be made new and right; and we start seeing the power of love working throughout all aspects of our life. (Lord knows, literally, we are all a work in progress!) What we have, we want for others – IF we truly love and care about people.
Now, I know this “Jesus can change you” stuff sounds ridiculous to people who don’t know Christ. “Sure – He healed a man of leprosy, but He can’t possibly change a homosexual today.” I understand that thinking, because I once thought that too, but I see it all differently now. Jesus’ power is the same today as it was 2,000 years ago.
What we Christians need to do a better job at, is rather than going around and telling others to “stop sinning, ‘cause you’re worse off than ME” – is to start showing others how Jesus’ love can truly transform lives by modeling it ourselves.
So Yannick, when you say, “but you don’t seem to perceive that this life style is the only way for a gay person to live happily in the end,” I can’t help but say, “But there really IS another way – with Jesus in your life – and it is so, so much better.”
Therein lies the friction between real Christians (as opposed to ones just going through the motions) and non-believers.
And I believe it can all start for others, as it did for me many years ago; by simply, but sincerely, asking God to make himself real in their life. Then be ready for the crazy, wonderful, and sometimes difficult things, that start to happen!
I hope this made sense. ☺
@Yannick, who said: “you don’t seem to perceive that this life style is the only way for a gay person to live happily in the end.”
Having those sorts of sexual inclinations is no doubt a terrible burden. But if we all agreed that faithfulness to any one person is always the right thing (Gay or straight), what would you say to the individual who finds him-or-herself constantly attracted to different people they meet and commit adultery because they just cannot be satisfied with their spouse? Where does one draw a line in the sand as to which instincts and desires ought to be fought against and which ought to be accepted?
It would be nearly impossible, and the choice would ultimately be arbitrary. Thankfully, we have been given a guide.
“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”
We are all sinners. And we all have faults and vices. We should never stop striving to overcome them and simply accept them as “Who we are”.
My daughter has announced her engagement (to another woman) very publicly and has many supporters. They are both two very wonderful people. However I feel God has something better for my daughter. The wedding is more than a year away and I pray that it doesn’t actually happen but if it does I will want to attend. I do not feel that necessarily says I approve, but I do love her very much and understand some of the problems that she is dealing with from the past. Even if they do say “if anyone objects” I can be secretly still praying the whole time that God works things out. As someone said, it is not really a marriage to begin with so the phrase “if anyone objects” does not really apply in God’s eyes in this instance.
As a christian recently facing this decision, I had only a weeks time to decide whether or not to go to my niece’s gay wedding. I do not think anyone should feel obligated to participate in something they are not comfortable with or goes against what they believe. But honestly, it was hard not to feel that tug at first. Having personal convictions is what makes up a person’s belief system. I personally would not want someone to come to my wedding out of obligation or who inwardly did not want to be there. Just saying.
At first I also thought how is this different than attending a baby shower of an unwed mother? (Something I would never give a second thought to). As others have stated, Jesus congregated among those that were denied approval and love. I so get that, and that is why I love Him so. The grace and love that is poured out to all of us so freely. But Jesus also overturned tables in the temple, when his house of prayer was being misused.
He loves people at no expense. But I do not want to confuse that with accepting and celebrating actions that go against His word. I believe His word is truth and He combined LOVE and TRUTH to touch lives and bring hope. One without the other would not have been true to His character. Relying on my own thoughts and opinions, I can justify about anything. But I know as a follower, not just a believer, it is God’s word and His spirit that should be my ultimate guide.
I was lead right away in my scripture reading to Chronicles 28. David tells his son Solomon: “acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. Consider now, for the Lord has chosen you to build a temple as a sanctuary. Be strong and do the work.”
Wow! I had peace knowing that God would search my heart and know that my greatest desire was not to worry how I represented myself in all of this, but how I represented Him. I also knew I was setting the precedence for my son who will be faced with difficult situations like this and many others in his lifetime.
I have always told my children not to be fearful to stand up for what they believe. Just as I have to decide through prayer and seeking truth in scripture, they too will have to prayerfully decide where to draw the line. Not everything is black and white. Although I told my oldest son, neither decision would make me happy, I believe He will give me peace enough, and strength to do what He desires of me.